Hate being sick

So Josh had croup last week. I think he handled it well and got over it pretty quick. I never even considered that the rest of us could catch something. So yesterday I had a sore throat all day. Today a little sniffle. Just kind of feel a little tired. Not up to par. But, I still feel better than I have and let me tell you why. These hormone suppression drugs are going to be the death of me. I was so worried about hotflashes and bitchiness. Oh no. This is far worse than I ever imagined. First, I cannot get to sleep. When I finally do, it's a few hours of "rest" not true sleep. I can hear eveything, I dream these really vivid dreams, it's like I never slept. It's awful! My heart palpitates, hard to breath, etc. So I called Amy, the PA. My oncologist saw me twice 6 months ago and that has been it. She apparently broken her ankle and can't work. So whatever. Amy is a PA and she has been following my "care". So I tell them the deal and her answer to me "keep taking them, they side effects will go away". So I kind of laughed and said "well, I'm not going to take them". So Tuesday, I will be making an appointment with Dr. Koh to see what my options are. I will not and cannot live this way. I was about insane from lack of sleep by Friday afternoon. I had to put the boy's down and take a nap. Which I did and it was nothing but those weird vivid dreams again.

On a good note, Friday I got my drain out. I saw Kristen at Dr. Rebecca's office and she did it. It was the best drain ever. She pulled it out and it did not even hurt a little bit. I am so free! I can get undressed without gingerly making sure there is a tension loop in the tubing so I don't pull it. I don't have to put my hands up to protect myself from my children when they feel the need to immitate a rhino and charge me. Ahhh! I am free for a little while. I think I probably have about a month before I will look like Medusa once again.

OK so as I was telling my Mom. I am somewhat thankful for the drains because they keep me from getting seromas but they are leaving behind these little keloid scars and I am starting to look like a minky blanket. And I know I will have at least 3 more drains on my next surgery. So I oh my gosh, if only I were a little fuzzier, I could bill myself as the human minky blanket.

So I didn't tell many people but I found a new lump last weekend. It was a little scary because it was in an area where there is still breast tissue and lymphnodes. All I thought was "great, I did all that for nothing?" Thankfully Dr. Gray got me in and they felt is. Oh, let me explain "they". Remember a long time ago I said Dr. Gray had his little ducklings. Well, he still does. He is an extremely talented surgeon and therefore has many a student (like Dr. Rebecca does but she usually just has one at a time). So whenever you see him, he has about 4-5 people all nicely dressed following him around. I teased him when he came in and told him that he always has a posse with him. LOL!
So "they" (all 4 of them), felt my lump. They then pulled the ultrasound machine in and it picked it up right away. Relief, it was clear, meaning it was fluid filled. Yea! So they went ahead and drained it and it was gone. Whew, dodged that bullet.

I went out for Mom's Night Out Friday to Mimi's. Gosh it was fun. I got to just sit there and be. Sounds so existential doesn't it? When everyone was leaving, I felt like a little puppy wanting to get the ball thrown again. I kept thinking "when is the next one, when is the next one, when is the next one?" The only thing missing from my pathetic self was a little drool and some bad breath. I really miss hanging out with Bern. I wish we didn't live so far apart.
I am in this really weird spot where I am too old to be a Mom of such young babies and too young to be in the Red Hat Ladies. It's so strange. I mean, here I am in the middle of menopause with babies to care for. So where do I fit? The girls were talking about their periods last night and I just sat there like "yup, I remember the days". All I wanted to ask was "what do you do when you have a hotflash?" I'm in such a weird spot and not one I am real happy about. I need to get over it because this is me for the rest of my life. So I need to work it out in my mind and my heart.

So last night I am on the phone with my Mom and Chelsea comes in and says "Mom, Daddy is hallucinating, he thinks he saw Kiwi". I ignored her and didn't think anything of it. So Charlie went upstairs to play a game and he turned off all the lights downstairs. I was on my computer. I walked into the kitchen to get a water and darn it if I didn't see the same exact thing. It was the back half of a gray cat with a dark gray tail. So I yelled for Charlie. He came downstairs with a flashlight and we searched the backyard and front yard. Nothing. So.....was it Kiwi?
I asked Charlie to set up the video camera at the windown so we could tape. So I think that is in our plans in the near future.

It was 82 degrees today. Nice I am sure you are thinking. No, it was freezing! LOL! Funny how you become so acclimated to your surroundings.

OK I have more to say but I am tired and Charlie and Chelsea just walked in. Now I can't get a thought together. Too noisy.

-Night