Helping

I like to help and I never feel like I do enough. I try to volunteer where I know if I make a committment, I can keep it. Nothing drives me more crazy than people who flake out. I was just having this discussion with someone recently. She said she didn't understand why people flake. I have seen flakiness increase with every new generation. It was semi-bad when I was growing up and now I see it more prevalent than ever. It drives me insane. My Mom used to laugh at me because whenever there was a group project in my classes, it meant I was going to be doing the work of 6 people all on my own. It used to tick me off that they all would benefit from my work and get A's but I was not about to let my grade slip because people are flakey. It was worth it to me to work my butt off to do what was necessary to get that A.
I just donated a box of food for a Phoenix Mommy who belongs to a church that is collecting food. So I felt ok about that. But typical me, always doubting if I sent enough. So I stewed (and still stewing) did I do enough?
I liked when I was on the HOA because I felt like I was helping my community but I had to step down right after my second chemo treatment. The elections were up and though every part of me wanted to keep doing it, I had no idea what the future was going to bring. So I stepped down because I was afraid I would not be able to honor my committment. The only meeting I missed in a year was when I gave birth to Jake. We had one member who totally disappeared half way through the year because she had to have a hysterectomy. I thought, "big deal", you can't show up for the meetings before or after the surgery? I do not know the full extent of her situation but I know I made a committment and I was going to be there. Before and after my C-Section. Before and after my mastectomies and chemo. No, I did not feel good but I was voted in by my community and I was going to be there to represent them.
I am and always have been the helper never the helpee. Until I got cancer. I was so suprised at how many people offered and as I have mentioned before who didn't offer. I likely said no to most of them even if I did need the help. I hate relying on people for a few reasons. One, people flake when you rely on them and then where are you? Stuck, thats where. Second, I like to try to do things on my own. I have never been the damsel in distress until I met Charlie. Over time I have seen myself let down my guard and actually ask for help from him. I am lucky. He is there most of the time when I need it. Though I have to say he is always willing to help sometimes he does not know how. Because I have always been able to do things on my own, he has been put in the position to never have to help me. So he doesn't quite know what I need most of the time. My fault though. So I have to be really specific about what I need and he does it.

The one thing I always loved about Charlie from the time we met was when he said he would call, he would. I hated men who said they would call and then didn't or waited too long. It was a deal breaker for me every time. Charlie would say "hey, I will call you tomorrow at 4" At 4, he called. He was always great about keeping his word and I found that so rare not just with men but women too. People in general do not do what they say they will do. I will teach my children better and I hope they listen.
Keeping your word, not being late, keeping your committments, it is all a sign of respect and maturity and I see it seriously lacking in todays society. So what I've dine is weeded out the flakes in my life. I started it when I was about 21. I mentioned Jani and what a flake she had always been. I finally said "enough"! I had a friend that was always late. From 15 minutes up to 2 hours. That was it for me. The last time she was late, it was 45 minutes and I was so mad. So I made a decision that I would not let it happen to me anymore.
Thus far since being in AZ, I have been really lucky. I met Cynthia and her parents who have been awesome to me and my children. She has been there for me like no other friend I have ever had. She has saved me more times than I can count. She watched my children while I was so sick from chemo and could not walk or eat. She was there for me when I needed a blood transfusion on a Sunday afternoon in the midst of her moving and having her own children at home. I mean, how do you ever say thank you? My dearest friend Bern whom I miss so much everyday. She is there for me to sob on the phone, her door is always open to me, she is what a true friend is. I just adore her and her family! And so far, the Phoenix Mommies have been awesome too. Everyone is super nice and they all show up when they say they will. So I think my method of weeding out the bad and in with the good is working. I love to think that as I age and go through menopause, I will find friends like my Granny had. People she could call on, rely on, talk to, play cards with, and who were there to mourn her passing. But she was an amazing woman and everyone adored her. I hope to someday be half the person she was.

So Josh has been saying a few things the last month and I keep missing them on film. So last night I walked around with the camera to catch some of the things he is saying and doing. He has been navigating the computer since he was about a year old. He now is able to load up games and videos on my computer itself as well as the net. He works the Tivo too and knows how to find his shows. I think it is amazing.