Wednesday

I finally slept really well last night. I was able to get to sleep fast and stay asleep most of the night. It is the first good nights sleep I have had in quite some time. Even though I take a Xanax nightly, sometimes it is impossible to either get to sleep or stay asleep. I refuse to take any sleeping pills though because I have two babies that need me 24/7. I would hate for something to happen and I be too out of it to do anything to help. It would kill me. I would rather have many sleepless nights and have peace of mind. I even slept in a little, 7:15. I woke up groggy because I had slept so hard.


I am surprised I am sleeping that well considering Charlie is leaving for 2 days. I love when he is gone because he is usually on an adventure, relaxing and having fun. But I hate when he is gone because I miss him. Heck, I miss him even when he is at work. I worry constantly about him.



My neighbor had her baby Friday. I am super excited for her. Thankfully her mother in law is there with her to help her. But she leaves Thursday. Boy do I know that overwhelmed feeling. I have to wonder if she is feeling any of it like I did. I know my was PPD related mostly but you can't help but feel some sense of "oh my gosh" when you go from 2 kids to 3.
So I am making them dinner tomorrow night. I worry because she is such an awesome cook that there is no way my food can stand up to hers! Her son is allergic to many things so I pre-made his in a seperate container and then I will make theirs tomorrow. I used the butter he can have and I hope he likes it, even just a little.



My Dad's wife got into a bad bike accident. So I got a very long email (the longest I have ever gotten) that was addressed to all of his church people asking for a prayer chain. I am not sure what to say about that. I am not sure of anything anymore when it comes to him. I really do not know my Dad that well and I am sure he feels the same way. He is certainly not the same person I saw when I was growing up. Though there was always a huge distance between us, even when he was living in the house, that distance is almost irrepairable. He never asks about his grandchildren and I am perplexed by that. Even if he hates me, well, I guess he cannot hate me because according to every religion you cannot hate, even if he dislikes me, the fact that he does not want to know anything about his grandkids is really strange to me. My grandparents were amazingly loving. Like it was that unconditional love you hear about but so few get to experience. I was blessed, lucky, or whatever and I have experienced it with my grandparents, my mother, and my husband. So I am forever scratching my head as to why he wants nothing to do with the babies. Isn't Religion 101, love thy family? Even if he never wanted my sister and I, he is older now, he has to know he doesn't have another 40 years to find himself, doesn't he want to know his only grandchildren? I will never understand it. I know I just need to forget it and move on but it seems to odd to me that on one hand you are trying to convert prisioners into active church members and then you turn around and ignore the family you brought into this World. I mean like it or not, he did play a part in my sister and I being bright into this World. It was not our decision. And maybe he dislikes us because it was before he was reborn and therefore we are from a part of his life that was a sinful life. And follwoing that train of thought, the grandchildren are therefore also from a sinful part of his life. But why should they suffer? Not that they are suffering by not knowing him but it hurts ME when he doesn't care enough to ask. I am forever going to be plauged with questions about it. Because I come from a place where my grandparents loved me SO much and here my own Father can't even ask how his grandchildren are doing. I am sure I will write more about this ad nauseum because I don't understand it.



So the HOA Meeting went really well. We are getting things going. The Fall Festival sounds like a blast. I may not attend if it is still too hot out. We could only get the Party Wagon on Oct. 8. We don't cool down until Mid-November. So I am somewhat bummed out about that. But, we will see what happens. I love the Fall Festival. I am still up in the air about the chili. Last year I made 40 lbs and it was gone but the end of the 4 hours. So people liked it. It's just a lot of work. I will need to think it over a little more. Charlie most certainly wants me to make it. But I will still need to think about it.



I need to get going on the community newsletter. I sit here and write this in guilt. I am supposed to be wrapping up the community newsletter and yet I am sitting here writing my blog instead. The boys are asleep though and it's quiet and this is what I want to do. I wish I typed faster and with less errors. I bet I could get both things done in my 2 hour time slot.



Oh, saw my neighbor down the street Rae, last night. I just adore her! It was so great to see her. I just think the World of her. She brought over a meal when I was in the hospital. It was enchiladas I think. Apparently it was SO good, I never got to have any. My Mom kept apologizing ont he phone saying she couldn't stop eating it and there would be none left for me. There wasn't. So I need to get the recipe from her. OH she made the best peanut brittle for Christmas. It was heavenly! So I got that recipe from her. Mine was not nearly as good. So I am hoping these year she will bless me with her peanut brittle again LOL!

OK a long time ago I heard this song on my favorite radio station in San Diego. When my Mother in Law was here we made a reference to Camel Toe. She had never heard of a Camel Toe so I told her what it was and then showed her this video. Not work safe or child proof at all! In fact, do not watch it in front of anyone you do not know well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JB388SH3XJo