Thursday, July 30, 2009

How Lucky Am I? (work in progress)


How Lucky Am I?

I am BRCA 2 positive which I likely got from my Mother. The Mother who raised me, loved me unconditionally, is always proud of me, bites her tongue for my benefit, guides me, supports me, and showed me scars and no breasts can be beautiful. She showed me how to face Cancer, how to fight Cancer, how to live as a Cancer survivor.

How Lucky Am I?

My Mother is likely BRCA 2 positive from her Mother, my Granny. A woman who fought Cancer in a time where no one talked about it, her mastectomy scarred her to the bone, concaved her chest, radiation that burned her flesh, and no chance of reconstruction. She taught my Mother how to love, how to be kind, how to embrace scars, no breasts, burn marks, fear, pain, and death with dignity and love. Granny taught me how to love unconditionally as she loved me unconditionally and was the kindest person I ever met.

How Lucky Am I?

My Granny was likely BRCA 2 positive from her Mother, Grandma Fox. A beautiful, kind, and very gentle woman whom I inherited my body type from. She was a progressive thinker yet traditional and had a very heavy Russian accent. She made her way through this country with that accent and I feel lucky to be her descendant.

How Lucky Am I?

I have a sister that is BRCA 2 positive. She has been here with me through my surgeries and chemotherapy. She has seen me lose both breasts and go through a hysterectomy. She is facing a very difficult decision on how she will need to voluntarily and without a disease yet, to deform her body in order to live a longer life and bless us all with her presence for many, many, many years to come.

How Lucky Am I?

I was able to get pregnant 3 times. One natural daughter, one IVF son, and one surprise son. My cancer receptors were both positive for estrogen and progesterone. Maybe taking all of those hormones to get pregnant helped the cancer form. But I have 3 beautiful children.

How Lucky Am I?

I have a husband that I warned before we got married that I would likely get Cancer. He married me anyway. He looks past my scars, he shaved my head for me, he has supported me, and has never once made me feel anything but beautiful and important. Scars, tubes, hot flashes, moodiness, and the ongoing daily issues I endure. He has dealt with it all and still stays put.

How Lucky Am I?
I had a mother-in-law that dropped everything in her life for me, again. When she wasn’t here, she called daily, without missing a day, just to see if I was okay. She laughed with me, cried with me, feared with me, concerned with me.

How Lucky Am I?
I had family members walking in my honor, sending cards and letters of encouragement, calling and thinking of me daily. I will forever love them for the ongoing support and love sent from so far away and from so many different places.

How Lucky Am I?

I had friends and neighbors helping with everything from food, to errands, calls, cards, gifts, flowers, handmade blankets and pillowcases, and unwavering love. I found out who and what real friends are.

How Lucky Am I?

I got Cancer, I am BRCA 2 positive, and I wouldn’t change anything. I have had the most incredible women in my life show me how to live. I have a husband that loves me despite all of my faults. I have 3 gorgeous children! I have friends, family, and neighbors I know I can count on.

4 comments:

Traci said...

You already know this, but you have a awesome family and 3 beautiful kids. I remember when chelsea was little before you guys were married. i remember all your stuggles. and I remember all the fun we had late at night on the streets of san diego!

zippy said...

Wow, what a powerfully written post!! You are lucky and have been richly blessed. I am so grateful for you and your beautiful family. Our life has been greatly enriched by knowing you. Thank you for being such a great neighbor!

Unknown said...

I think you have it wrong...I think we are the lucky ones to have you in our lives. You have made such a huge difference and impact on my life just in the short short time I've known you. You are one amazing women!

Unknown said...

How Lucky Am I????? I found you again. I guess it was the "right" time. I love you. And I will say it again, YOU ARE GORGEOUS. Inside and out, always were, always will be.